Friday, February 22, 2013


I’m very confident that Seth Macfarlane and the producers of this year’s Academy Awards show will shake things up and be the right combination of naughty and nice. If they go over 3 hours, they’ll only have themselves and some awful dance numbers to blame. Still, here’s a wish list for the event this Sunday, February 24th:

I hope more voters pick “Argo” out of honor rather than retaliation. (
I hope the directors show Steven Spielberg the love they didn’t show Ben Affleck.

I hope Barbra Streisand sings “The Way We Were” during the ‘In Memoriam’ section.
I hope she doesn’t get paired with Seth Rogen to present.

I hope Seth Macfarlane pulls out all the celebrity imitations he can muster.
I hope he doesn’t do ‘Peter Griffith’ unless it’s to parody Brando in “Apocalypse Now”.

I hope that Daniel Day-Lewis gives a speech for the ages.
I hope that the band doesn’t cut him off if his speech goes on for ages.

I hope that Jean Dujardin’s English is better this year when he presents Best Actress.
I hope that if Emmanuelle Riva wins her English is better than that of Dujardin.

I hope the Best Supporting Actor winner acknowledges the tight race.

I hope Tommy Lee Jones smiles if he wins.

I hope that Anne Hathaway doesn’t act shocked when she wins as it won’t be.
I hope she & James Franco spoof their awful hosting two years somewhere in the show.

I hope the band doesn’t play off anyone.
I hope that no one thanks the lawyers because then I’ll wish I could yield the baton.

I hope that Stomp stays at home.
I hope I don’t have to stomp my feet in protest over superfluous dance numbers.

I hope that all six Bond’s show up for the salute to 50 years of 007.
I hope Adele wins Best Song in an otherwise weak category. (Like every year. Sigh.)

I hope that there are tons of beautiful choices for best dressed on the red carpet.
I hope the red carpet yields some awful ones too so Joan Rivers can have a field day.

I hope Jennifer Lawrence wins because I want to hear a hilarious acceptance speech.
I hope that she doesn’t read off index cards. That goes for every winner!

I hope that “Paperman” or “Adam and Dog” wins Best Animated Short. (
I hope that they don’t have Verne Troyer or Danny DeVito introduce the category.

I hope that Uggie from “The Artist” presents the short nominees. (That’s appropriate!)
I hope that he presents with his owner/trainer Omar Muller! That would be very appropriate.

I hope that this year’s Oscars are classy, witty and yield the best show in years.
And I hope if they’re bad, they’re ‘off-the-rail’s terrible - - more fun to write about that way.

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