Tuesday, May 17, 2011


1.) Now that David E. Kelly’s TV pilot of WONDER WOMAN bombed, Hollywood should make a reverent big screen version. The legendary comic book deserves it.

2.) And cast an unknown as Wonder Woman. Preferably an athlete. Or dancer.

3.) Make the costume look like this. (Like in the comics. Duh.)
Not this. (What they did for the TV pilot looked like something from a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog, didn't it?)
4.) Give Kate Hudson a sitcom because she’s worn out her welcome in movies. Sadly.

5.) Stop converting 2D movies into 3D movies.

6.) Stop remaking 70’s horror movies, Michael Bay.

7.) And please, enough with your sequels to TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. (There’s a 3D version due out this summer. Why?)

8.) Cast Steven Tyler in a movie role. How about a rom-com? Now that would be an interesting love story, wouldn't it? 

9.) Give Zach Galifianakis a romantic lead too.

10.) And Judy Greer as well. And Mageina Tovah. Samantha Bee? Nasim Pedrad? Olivia Munn? (Yes, definitely Olivia Munn.)

11.) Make a movie version of Truman Capote’s best short story “Hand Carved Coffins.”

12.) Get the terrific writers of the TV series JUSTIFIED to adapt a big screen version of another Karen Sisco story.

13.) And get Jennifer Lopez to reprise it. It’s still her best role ever.

14.) Adapt the last couple of books that Elmore Leonard has written.

15.) Give Louis CK a movie lead.
16.) Give Carla Gugino a movie lead too. Or two. Or three.  

17.) Do a movie of WICKED with Anne Hathaway and Reese Witherspoon playing Elphaba and Glinda, respectively.

18.) Make a Hugh Hefner biopic. And cast James McAvoy as Hef. (He even kind of looks like him.)

19.) While you’re at it, do a Hank Aaron biopic too.

20.) Same with Jack Johnson. THE GREAT WHITE HOPE is fiction. The real story deserves a film.

21.) Hattie McDaniel too. (A perfect role for Gabbie Sidibe, no?)

22.) Ditto Harold Lloyd. His is a great story.
23.) There's never been a great biopic of Andrew Jackson either.

24.) Or Albert Einstein.

25.) Or Ulysses S. Grant.

26.) Or John Wilkes Booth. (Adapt the superb book biography “American Brutus” by Michael Kaufman.)

27.) And someone needs to adapt Jerry Stahl’s bio of I, FATTY. (Supposedly Johnny Depp owns the rights to it.) It’s the story of Fatty Arbuckle and it's one of the best Hollywood biographies ever.

28.) And why hasn’t there been a Richard Speck movie yet? Focus on the intrepid 3-day manhunt and you’ve got a crackerjack thriller.

29.) Please let Kate Winslet do whatever she wants. Anything. Even TEXAS CHAINSAW. (Okay, maybe not that.)
30.) Let Cate Blanchett have her way too.

31.) Get John Waters to do a movie version of the Broadway musical URINETOWN.

32.) Give director David Cronenberg more work.

33.) Give Kenneth Branagh THOR money to do two or three Shakespeare movies. Start with a definitive adaptation of Macbeth.

34.) Give the American Film Institute Lifetime Achievement Award to Robert Redford. (It’s ridiculous that they haven’t yet.)
35.) And give the AFI award to Michael Caine sooner than later as well. Same with Woody Allen. And composer John Williams. Gene Hackman. As well as Robert Duvall. Come on, AFI.

36.) Studios should make 10 pictures a year that each cost less than 10 million.

37.) Farm out movie trailers. The studio versions are too formulaic.

38.) And stop giving away the entire movie in them. A rule of thumb should be to show no clips from the last 20 minutes of a film.

39.) Just because he’s available now doesn’t mean that "The Governator" should do action leads he’s too old for. Ick.

40.) Have Quentin Tarantino write a role for Bruce Willis. Fast.

41.) Cast Karina Smirnoff of DANCING WITH THE STARS as a bad Bond girl. 
42.) Cast Colin Firth as a Bond villain. (Wouldn’t he make a charming cad?)

43.) Give Eric Roberts a lead role again.

44.) Now that BRIDESMAIDS is a big success, make more movies with female leads. (And not just rom-com’s. Please.)

45.) Start a movie series based on the "100 Bullets" comic books.
46.) And don't do "Y: The Last Man" as a movie. That needs to be a mini-series. On HBO or Showtime.

47.) Remake bad movies. Not classics.

48.) Even if THE HANGOVER 2 is great, please quit while you're ahead already.

49.) Change Oscar's best film list back to just five.

50.) And finally, get Tina Fey to host the Oscars. Pronto.
Your thoughts, friends and followers?


  1. My favorite quote about the original Wonder Woman series:

    "There are two things holding this show. They happen to be the same two things holding up her costume."

  2. That's what I've read too, Michael. Yeesh. I feared that was what they were doing with Wonder Woman after the pics of the costume leaked and it seemed to be only about her cleavage. How sad. And with CHARLIE'S ANGELS returning to TV this fall perhaps there is nostalgia in Hollywood for the jiggle shows of the seventies. Let's hope not. I thought we'd be past that kind of silly sexist approach three decades later, but perhaps not.

    Wonder Woman would make a great film that should be done similarly to the original SUPERMAN in 1978 or this year's THOR. Both were extremely witty and fun but neither production ever condescended to its hero. And both films cast an appropriately physical and sincere new talent to portray their leads. That's what they need to do with Wonder Woman now, and on the big screen, since the TV people apparently treated the character about as seriously as a Leg Avenue Halloween costume. What a shame.

  3. Three thoughts for the movie industry:

    1. Please stop the insidiously increasing advertising creep bombarding us before the trailers start. If I want to see commercials, I'll go watch TV at home.

    2. And please! Stop giving away all the best lines from the film in the trailers! If I hear the best you've got for free, why would I pay to see the rest?

    3. Oh, one more thing Hollywood, start picking some better scripts to make. Considering all I've seen so far this year, I'm not terribly impressed by most of it.

    Or is it just me?

  4. Thanks for commenting, Fan With No Name! I wholeheartedly agree with your assessments.

    1.) Indeed there are too many regular ads in the theaters. If it was up to me they would only have movie trailers.

    2.) And those trailers are by and large awful. They give away the best parts and too damn many parts. They're insulting.

    3.) Yes, not a banner year for Hollywood. Or last. Hopefully the powers that be in Tinseltown will start reading some better scripts soon and making movies out of them instead of all the remakes and sequels they greenlight. Ugh!